There I was, trying to come up with any explanation at all for why Hawkeye was chosen, from all the available past and current Avengers, to co-star in Joss Whedon’s upcoming film. You see, Hawkeye makes no sense. He made no sense while trying to take Thor down with a bow and arrow, he makes no sense trying to take on Loki and the Skrull empire with a bow and arrow. His personality isn’t overwhelmingly unique, his age, race, and gender demographic isn’t at all unique, and he doesn’t bring a particularly large existing fanbase to the theater.
He’s Hawkeye. He’s just…Hawkeye.
And then I recalled that Hawkeye briefly had a thing for Black Widow. Then it all made sense…horrible, horrible sense. Look Whedon, the only people allowed to date Black Widow are Matt Murdock, Bucky Barnes, and me.
So with that in mind, here are my eleventh hour suggestions for alternate co-stars.
1. Luke Cage
I can’t be the only one out there who’d happily pay full, non-matinee ticket price just to see Isaiah Mustafa say “Sweet Christmas!”
Really, I want the dynamic between Luke Cage and Captain America. Cap gained his extraordinary strength and durability as a soldier, a respected member of society’s in-crowd. Cage gained his own in prison, and yet both characters eventually come to much the same moral conclusions about how to use their abilities (revenge with a side of altruism).
If there’s a hero for hire in the Marvel movieverse, then there’s only one employer that’s going to make an offer they can’t refuse.
2. Janet Van Dyne
Jan was a founding member of the Avengers, and her power set isn’t even slightly replicated among the group. As a young woman she was shallow, rich, and talked about her feelings a lot. Everyone would hate her until she shrinks down, flies the trench run through the innards of the Skrull mothership, and brings the whole thing crashing into the moon.
And picture, for a moment, Wasp perched atop Nick Fury’s eye patch.
3. Goliath
You want Clint Barton? Have Clint Barton! But at least have him turn really big and be somewhat useful. Or, better yet…
4. Hank Pym
Hank Pym is a wife-beating ass and I’m not a fan of him personally.
But, Dr. Pym applied his wacky science to himself and succeeded. Can you even imagine how annoyed that’d make Bruce Banner? How smug and horrible Hank would be about the whole thing? It would be absolute gold. Plus there would be a bunch of scenes where the team is crawling up his giant, hairy leg. Or one with Thor sitting on his giant, knobby toenail. Maybe Hank could eat a couple Skrull warriors! Delightful.
5. Jessica Jones
It has occurred to me that the powers that be and make decisions wanted Hawkeye on the team to give an ‘everyman’ viewpoint on the fantastical world of superheroism. That’s understandable. And that’s also something Jessica Jones could do a hundred times better than Clint ever could.
She’s a problem-solver, she’s unimpressed with showy superpowers, she can fly if she wants to, but she’d rather take a cab. She takes smoke breaks with Agent Coulson on the aft deck of the Helicarrier. She scandalizes Captain America and calls Tony Stark “hey, asshole.” He loves it.
So there you are. I really wanted to have Ms. Marvel on this list. She’s one of my favorite Marvel heroes, she’d have great personal interactions with the existing team, and if you slap some pants on her she’d have a wonderfully cinematic outfit. However, her power set just doesn’t make sense within the current Marvel movieverse. Having someone flying around without visible means of lift (rocket boots, magic hammer, giant wasp wings) just wouldn’t jive. Sorry, Carol. I can hold out hope for The Avengers 2 though…right?
